Learning the skills for effective communication is like finding a great dance groove

Like most of you, I’m stuffing myself on Thursday! (Yes, I’m still trying to stay within my Specific Carbohydrate diet.) Then I leave for San Juan, Puerto Rico Friday morning for my Royal Caribbean Serenade of the Seas Cruise. The ship leaves out of San Juan on Saturday afternoon for a week of island hopping.

You may recall the cruise post from earlier in the year called The Perfect Storm. We will all be returning for much post-Thanksgiving frivolity. Have a read of those adventures, and I’ll see you when I return!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I can only imagine how perturb my ex would be if he had to go through this diet with me. When we were together, I think he barely tolerated “my crazy ideas,” but what more can you expect from a loved one who doesn’t have to go through the ordeal you are? So tolerating is probably a good thing.

The Specific Carbohydrate Diet or SCD provides a way through nutrition to correct intestinal imbalances. According to SCD, complex carbohydrates (grains, refined sugar, potatoes, starches) feed the “bad” gut flora because they take so long to digest, while simple carbohydrates (fruits, some vegetables, honey) starve the bad gut flora while giving you the carbohydrates or carbs your body needs to function. Over time, this heals the damage caused by this overabundance of bad gut flora. Repairing this imbalance is the key to optimal health.

Now along with the carb control, this diet introduces a homemade yogurt product it requires for repopulating the gut with “good” flora. You make this yogurt yourself, and I can surprisingly admit I did it successfully! (For all the details please see the Specific Carbohydrate Diet web site.) It really isn’t that difficult to do.

Since I’m currently single, I don’t really know how well this diet would go over. In previous relationships, I’ve adapted to vegeterian boyfriends pretty easily. I think I even had one who was on the Atkins Diet for a while, and I survived that even though our relationship didn’t.

On the few dates I’ve had so far on the SCD, I have to admit eating out was a challenge. I was able to find a Vietnamese restaurant for some excellent Pho. However, I could not have the rice noodles nor the bean sprouts commonly used in Pho. So, I had to settle for chicken broth with pieces of chicken. (The waitress was surprised but accommodating.) My date was vegan, and he was able to find something pretty easily since he could have rice or tofu.

So, I guess it still all comes down to open communication and flexibility. The foundation of the Four Sisters Groove.

In response to the Election Day votes to make lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people unequal citizens of the United States of America.

Click here to find your local protest site and join in.

(Yeah, I know this isn’t about gay personality or communication types, but I think it is important enough to preempt my blog for a day. We have to be able to HAVE relationships before we can make them better.)

I seriously think my paternal grandmother was a recluse, though I can only make that call based on childhood memories of family visits with her. I grew up in Indiana and Grams lived in the state of Washington, so we would drive out to see her about every five years.

On those occasions, I can recall her rarely leaving her home. Seldom would she join us as we attended family reunions at other relatives’ homes. Mostly, she sat in her chair in the living room, content to be home.

As I watched my father age, I saw similar tendencies develop. Though he was a public speaker, he found great solace in solitude, and during his illness, he became very reclusive.

I explain this background, because there is clearly a hereditary connection with aspects of the Four Sisters Groove. Even though I think environmental impacts (childhood or current home or work life) can influence levels of Prink & Sashay. I think people are born at certain levels of them.

So, it’s with this understanding of my heredity that I find myself tending toward reclusivity.

When I was younger, I never had any real problems Sashaying Right. I could go out and find friends to play with in the neighborhood, and had a great time doing it. Now that I’ve matured a bit (only a little, really!), I find myself hesitating and even dreading social interactions. I seriously must force myself to go. Of course, once I’m there I have a great time, but it is the getting there where I’m finding it more difficult.

I’ve come to ask myself: what is the deciding factor behind which side of the Sashay Scale I choose? Granted, I have a natural tendency to Sashay Left. I find great comfort and energy from spending time alone. But as I consider my thought processes behind the over-reaction before a social interaction, I realize there are some base emotions at the core.

Fear or Love?

I found the key factor in me avoiding social scenes came from being afraid. I feared rejection. I feared pain. Admitting the fear, feeling it, and then going on anyhow has become a powerful catalyst for change or at least a delay in me becoming a recluse.

I give myself permission to be alone. I know I need that time away from others to recharge, but I don’t want fear to take control of any part of my life. Take a moment to consider if your extremes in Sashay or Prink come from fear or love. It may help your improve your current relationships.