Learning the skills for effective communication is like finding a great dance groove

Vermont is in the news again for legislation its statehouse is putting forward for legalizing same-sex marriage in the state. Even though Vermont currently has a Civil Union law on the books which gives same-sex couples equivalent legal rights, this legislation would mean Vermont’s gays and lesbians could actually legalize their gay relationships. However, as The New York Times reports the governor has already come out against it.

I try not to comment on political subjects in these blog posts, because it really isn’t the subject of The Four Sisters Groove. I have tried to develop this niche of gay relationships personality types using dancing as a point of reference since it is an integral part of being gay. Relationships are also key to this. So anything I post here, I believe should support that niche development.

However, I also realize at the core of The Four Sisters Groove is the concept of a gay relationships, and to be more specific it is the concept of gay relationships. So, laws impacting those gay relationships do influence the development of them. You have to be able to have gay relationships to be able to make them better.

At the core of this concept is a recognition of natural and developed communication tendencies. You are born ‘you’ and then your environment of origin helps nurture you into the person you are today. By helping you see which Sister you are, The Four Sisters Groove lets you evaluate how you relate within your gay relationships and then provides guides for Grooving with others. Honesty and openness are integral parts of this self-awareness, and legalizing gay marriage would continue this process.

So, from The Four Sisters Groove point of view as we “learn the steps to building better gay relationships,” legal recognition of our same-sex relationships is making them better and is clearly something that must be done.

Here’s a classic scene I love from the Busby Berkeley movie, Wonder Bar!

And Movie Dearest blog runs down a nice list of other movies of men dancing together. Some of those listed are my favorite scenes from movies.

Do you have a favorate men dancing together movie scene?

Did you know Rapper Li’l John has an ernergy drink named after the type of music he produces? Crunk Energey Drink!

If you don’t know, Crunk is probably considered a sub-genre of Hip Hop music. The word itself is said to originate as a “portmanteau” of the two words: crazy & drunk. So when you slam crazy into drunk, it comes out CRUNK!

Because this musical genre is said to be stripped down to the core of the rhythm by focusing on the beat, usually using a drum machine, I think crunk works perfectly in the Four Sisters Groove for describing some basic core concepts about communication styles.

The key to crunk is observation. By taking some time to learn these key signals on communication styles, you can more easily understand the preferred communication style of someone. Crunk reflects those key indicators to watch for as you are interacting. Communication takes listening and observation. Here’s some of information on Four Sisters Groove crunks.

Facial Expressions Crunk: What is showing up on the face? What do you see there? Do you see an open, accepting expression or do you notice few, controlled expresssions?

Voice Pitch Crunk: Besides the obvious differences between male and female pitch based on evolutionary and cultural development, the pitch produced by the vocal cords can clearly indicate preferred methods of communicating. For example, have you noticed someone afraid having a higher pitch than someone who is at ease and relaxed while speaking.

Voice Volume Crunk: You know you have to listen intently with some folks, and with others you have no problem hearing them from across the room. Voice volume can also predict communication styles.

Posture Crunk: Do you notice a slouch? Do they stand erect and upright? This can present you an opportunity at insight on preferred traits of the other person by watching their posture.

Key Word Crunks: Even if you can’t pick up on some of the visual clues indicated in the Crunks above, you can pick up on key words used as the conversation progresses. Does the speaker use Think terms or Feel Terms? (“I think I’ll go to the store.”) Does the speaker use commands or requests? How specific does the speaker reference time or dates or figures? Depending on the answer to this Key Word Crunks, you can establish a preferred communication style.

Some of these may take some practice to learn, while noticing some of others may come much easier for you. Take the time to observe and notice those folks around you. I’ve often found it interesting to sit in a public place and watch people as they interact in large or small groups to see if I can pick up on these Crunks of Communication. Give it a try, and let me know how it goes.

Behold the power of dance!

I know it is a commercial, but I think it is very clever, and it shows how easy it is to get those around you to dance when you want to.

Just Groove!

Continuing my list posts of Gina, Stacey, and Katie, I now present you Tina. Who would probably say: “The Best for Last!” because that’s what Tina does. Here are some other things to remember about Tina in gay relationships:

1. She’s the go-to-gal when you want something done! Goal-oriented and able to make decisions to get there, she loves a challenge of figuring how to get there and then leading the way.  She sometimes gets called a “natural leader” because of this, and she gets called on often to do it.
2. Sometimes other people’s opinions and abilities do matter. As right as she knows she is, it’s helpful to learn to listen to others and take value from hearing diverse opinions.
3. Remember Tina: it’s okay to follow a compass and not a map. She can be very driven by accomplishing tasks on her checklist of life and can appear inflexible when taken to task for it.
4. She may need help to remember to take a vacation. This may be as simple as planning time to not do anything, but it becomes important for Tina to not always needing to be “on.”

I hope this short list has helped you better understand our Sister, Tina, in gay relationships.