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Four Sisters Groove Sessions: Training for Effective Communication Skills

May 26th, 2010 by Gina

I’m beginning to consider what form I want to manifest Four Sister Groove sessions and since I have a presentation to make on it very soon, I really would like some input from you on what would you find valuable in a groove session?

A Four Sisters Groove session is a safe place for gay people to discuss communication skills in either 60 or 90 minutes. It would include the Find Your Spot self-assessment and then discussions and practice on effective communication skills in gay relationships.

I have come up with three key points about Groove sessions I think are valuable:

  1. Providing a Safe Place. So much of our life is spent out in the rest of the world where we may not feel as free or safe to discuss some issues. This is a fact of modern life for most gay people, so a Four Sisters Groove Session would definitely require an agreement by the attendees to provide a “safe” place for open discussions.
  2. An edge up on Communication Skills. A Four Sisters Groove Session would entail practical and useful effective communication skills. These would be highlighted and developed during the course of the session, and interaction practice would also provide an opportunity for building better gay relationship skills.
  3. Educational and Entertaining. Most everyone wants to continue growing and learning. It’s a valuable part of life. A Four Sisters Groove Session would provide valuable effective communication skills training in an informative and entertaining way. If it’s not something interesting, most people just turn off when it comes to educational forums. (I think we learned that in school!) By providing interactive training and participating exercises, a Four Sisters Groove Session can teach and be fun.

So, what else would you like to see? What have been some of the best educational or training sessions you have attended? Please feel free to comment to share.

Also, feel free to contact me if you are interested in hosting a Groove Session!

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Posted in Effective Communication Skills, Gay Communication Styles, Gay Personalities, Gay Personality Types, Gay Relationships, Groove Sessions, Manifesting | No Comments »

Gay Relationships and Find Your Spot on the Dance Floor

May 18th, 2010 by GinaGroove

We’re standing outside on a warm, Florida night waiting in line with the rest of the circuit queens who’ve made the annual trip to Orlando for Gay Days, the June PRIDE kick-off weekend where we all amass within the Happiest Place on Earth wearing red shirts and holding hands. I cry every time I see the stream of red following the afternoon Dreams Come True Parade.

But that was the day before and now we’re cued to enter Hard Rock Coliseum with yards of glammed-out gays. They say more than 150,000 folks come to town for the events, and we (this group of four) are among the 10,000 or so who will dance the night away inside to the sounds produced by DJ Abel. From here, we can already hear the music, currently a non-stop, muffled thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The gay heartbeat.

I’m wearing my green camouflaged pants with the extra pockets, since I must have extra pockets when I’m on the dance floor. I can stash my cigarettes and gum and cell phone – those seldom used dancing requirements – without taking up the valuable pocket real estate at my hips where I stash the frequently used items. I don’t include a wallet for these adventures, so I button down my driver’s license and cash in the back right one, being  right-handed. And the water bottle slips into the left side for easy access.

I don’t understand how others can dance so unencumbered. I see these queens in their sparkling hip-huggers with not even room for a $20 bill, and somewhere in my thoughts I curse them merely for being thin and for appearing so unattached to the things of this world like water and food. Yet, in the same whisper as the curse, I thank the gay god I didn’t pack those Nutter Butters.

Gaggles of gays have converged on the dance floor, and this event finds as much ritual built in as any Sunday church service. The tribes gather and migrate: LaLa boys primp and glow with tanned botoxed faces, while the Chelsea boys sneer. The Twinks flit about gingerly, while The Bears lumber to their corner of the dance floor. For all its diversity chants and being different sing-songs, the homo life is filled with homophily. Birds of a feather flock together or as the case is here Bondage boys truss the Leather Queens.

Walking onto the dance floor is like walking into a blast furnace. The depth of the air hits you first. It smacks you with this damp, hot breath of roaring thump and brassy vibrations and multicolored facets of beat, and  I can see the crowded floor from this vantage point, but I can’t see where to go yet. I struggle to categorize the various things wooing me as I enter. It’s all accosting me at once: the lights, the sounds, the smells, the energy. That’s the main and over-riding sensation: this jarring snap alive from being there at that moment. That’s probably the biggest appeal to attending these events and why certain DJs have a clear following. If the DJ plays it right, this feeling ebbs and flows throughout the night. The lighting production plays a big part in setting the mood, as does the location and the crowd.  But the music is the key, the heart beat. The Thump. Thump. Thump.

Through this din we find our way. The four of us crowd surf consistently on nights like these, letting the music and the muscles guide us. Usually we head to stage right up at the front, though we have been known to adjust our place if the muscle bears are close by. Then, a passing woof or two helps direct us to that place: our spot. No matter where we roam or wonder through the course of the night, we will always return to our spot.

It is close to the stage, but not so close as to restrict a full view. We encamp here,  because it feels right. The sound is loud, but the speakers are far enough away to not cause too much pain. A few other groups appear to have staked claim nearby, so the neighborhood looks promising for a good time. It helps to have those around you in a similar frame of mind, because there’s nothing like circuit drama to fuck up a good time, and those dancing around you do matter.

Circuit events across the country and world are filled with gay men who have to have their spot on the dance floor. I always wondered why a spot was so important to gay men at circuit events, and then I remembered there is this place where it all comes together. Some call it the heart. Some call it the soul. It’s this connecting place of essence within us all that links and binds us to a place and people and events. It seems it’s the attachment of energy to flesh and blood marking your presence within this event. Everyone loves. Everyone hurts. Everyone smiles. Everyone cries. Everyone dances. Here is where we will dance.

Welcome to the dance floor. Now, let’s Find Your Spot.

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Posted in Communication, Gay Communication Styles, Gay Personalities, Gay Personality Types, Gay Relationships | 2 Comments »

Birds of a Feather in Gay Relationships

Apr 28th, 2010 by Gina

Homophily is the tendency of people to like the same as themselves. We gay people are very familiar with liking the same as ourselves, but there is a tendency in all humans to go with what we know. We know white, middle class suburban neighborhoods, so that is what we go with. We see it all the time in so much of our lives, we probably don’t even notice.

So I guess you could say, the old saying: “Birds of a feather flock together” isn’t that far off the mark. We really do like what we know.

Can we use this knowledge for to build effective communication skills? I think we can, and I think it only takes a few key points to remember for us to use this valuable tool.

  1. Natural Tendencies. It’s important to remember that we humans became this way for a reason. The unfamiliar killed us before, so it’s highly likely that staying with what we know was a safety measure. There is a safety in familiarity. So it is in our communication. When we stick with what we know, we generally don’t put our necks out there. This can be good. This can be bad. Being aware of it should help us to decide is it time to stay with those natural tendencies or is it time for us to take a risk?
  2. Differences Do Matter. The premise of Four Sisters Groove is based on the idea that gay people need a safe place to learn and practice effective communication skills. Can you learn these skills elsewhere? Yes, of course. (Just Google: Effective Communication Skills, and you’ll see!) But this site and communication method provides a specific, orientation safe arena to practice. Leaning on homophily allows us to provide a place for gay relationships to learn effective communication skills.
  3. Stretching Boundaries. As much as we would like to stay in our homophily worlds, we really do need to break out of the bonds of the familiar. Do you spend time with other ethnic groups? Do you only bond with men or only with women? Does everyone around you all believe the same way? Yes, it’s okay to like the same. (We are same-sex lovers, yes?) But more often then not, we will gain a better sense of living life, if we break from the familiar and try something new.

So, there is a time and place for homophily, but it is also valuable for us to take a look at it for what it is: a tool we can use for building gay relationships effective communication skills.

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Posted in Effective Communication Skills, Gay Personality Types, Gay Relationships | No Comments »

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