Here’s another sampling of The Golden Girls to see if you can identify each of The Four Sisters:
Which is which?
Being a Better Boyfriend
Jan 6th, 2010 by Mike
Once again we welcome back guest columnist, Mike. Who shares some thoughts on gay relationships.
I had a moment of clarity last night that helped me tremendously when I went to my 12-Step Support Group. It is an eclectic group of men with most of them – well all of them except for me – being heterosexuals who are in recovery and who are living life with some level of serenity.
Since I started going to that meeting back in July, I have been impressed with grown men sitting around a room talking about their feelings and emotions and expressing their desire to be better husbands and fathers.
I have been struggling for the last week or so over a new relationship and letting my mind get the best of me. I shared about this last night, and I even mentioned that I was dating someone which was the cause of the recent turmoil, but did not go into detail at all. This group has been very supportive of me, and I don’t want to push them away with talk of gay relationships, but I feel comfortable enough to share in general terms and I feel like what I am going through is relevant in any relationship, regardless of the plumbing.
I walked away from that meeting last night with a clear sense that I can be a better husband or a better father or in my case a better boyfriend. I have always approached a relationship from a purely selfish standpoint of “what can I get from it,” or “what is he doing to impress me and to make me feel special.” I’ve had it backwards all along. I need to work to be the boyfriend that I would want to be with. Explore ways that I can make him feel special, things I can do to let him know that I care and I am interested in building something with him.
There are lots of great tips out there from various sources, but here are 9 Steps I plan on taking going forward:
- Random acts of kindness to include phone calls, personal messages on Facebook and the occasional hand written card in the mail.
- When we are together I will make the effort to show him affection, especially to walk up behind him, put my arms around him and kiss him when he least expects it.
- Sharing honestly how I feel about him and fostering communication, asking questions about his life and things he is interested in, discussing my thoughts and fears and how I am making progress in my recovery.
- Continuing to take care of me and do all the things that have made me the strong, independent, passionate, fun, spiritual, open-minded, well-balanced man that attracted him 2 months ago.
- Cutting him some slack and giving him some space. Not asking questions about where he’s been or why he hasn’t called or who he is with. I guess this is more about trust than anything. I trust that he likes me and his actions continue to be proof of that. More importantly, how are my actions? Do my actions show him that I care about him and myself and us?
- Getting outside of my comfort zone and doing things that he enjoys, spontaneity can do great things for a relationship and I will make an effort to invite him to do fun things together and to plan special adventures for us.
- Which brings me to romance… Has this man ever really been romanced? How would he feel if I took him away for a romantic weekend, or asked him to slow dance in the living room or packed a picnic and invited him to go canoeing?
- Be open to feedback. I will rely on him to tell me if anything I am doing is too much. I don’t want to embarrass him with flowers at the office if that is something that makes him uncomfortable.
- Always remember my initial response when he asked, “Do I complicate your life?” I said, “No, you don’t complicate my life, you complement my life.” As long as he and I can complement each other’s lives, well, isn’t that the ultimate goal? A partner who complements what we already have in ourselves?
So, I’m feeling better today. I may have over-analyzed for a few days, but I feel like I have found some balance. My plan is to focus not on what he is or is not doing, but what I can do to be a better boyfriend. And maybe this man will not appreciate what I have to offer. If that happens, it will be okay, because I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, he was put into my life for a reason and this exercise in love and romance is teaching me to be a better man.
New Year, New Groove
Jan 4th, 2010 by GinaGroove
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but since we are learning about gay relationships, does straight really cut it? 
Well, it depends. It depends on where you are on the Dance Floor and where you want to go.
The Four Sisters Groove helps you bring it all together with tangible steps you can take for Effective Communication Skills. By taking steps in the right direction, you’ll begin to notice changes in your gay relationships. That’s how you get into the Groove.
First, your Sister will be your starting point. That’s why we spend so much time in understanding where you are on the Dance Floor. Did you Find Your Spot yet? You have to know where you are at before you can know where to go.
Then, the other person’s Sister will be your goal. Now, don’t worry about actually getting to that Sister. That’s not the goal of the Groove. The goal is to learn the steps to Groove together.
Let’s follow an example: The Sisters’ Quiz puts Gina in the lower left quadrant. This Gina has Tina as a partner. To Groove to Tina, Gina would have to Sashay Right and Prink Up. This is how it looks:
Can you see the groove? Gina is in the left lower quadrant; Tina is in the right upper quadrant. To go that direction, Gina needs to Sashay Right or Prink Up. Gina may find it easier to Sashay right first and then Prink Up, depending on what she feels most comfortable trying.
Finding Three Groove Steps
So, what three steps can Gina write down as actions to take? Since her quiz shows she’s higher on the Sashay Scale and lower on the Prink Placement, she would probably feel most comfortable Sashaying. She knows Sashaying right means having opinions and voicing them. So, Gina would write: I will voice my opinion clearly and directly without having to be asked.
Gina also knows Sashaying can mean speaking quickly and loudly, maybe being even a bit too loud. She doesn’t necessarily have to be too loud, but she does know she could speak up and talk a little bit faster. Then Step 2 is written as: I will speak up and speed up my conversations with Tina.
Now for the last step, Gina needs to do something physical. She knows Sashay means stepping out, leaning into, gesturing towards, and generally moving her body into another person. So her third step would be: I will lean towards Tina when I’m talking to her.
Gina’s three Groove steps would look like this:
| Step | Action |
| 1 | I will voice my opinion clearly and directly without having to be asked. |
| 2 | I will speak up and speed up my conversations with Tina. |
| 3 | I will lean towards Tina when I’m talking to her. |
Life is a Dance Floor…
Past Posts
-
