I seriously think my paternal grandmother was a recluse, though I can only make that call based on childhood memories of family visits with her. I grew up in Indiana and Grams lived in the state of Washington, so we would drive out to see her about every five years.
On those occasions, I can recall her rarely leaving her home. Seldom would she join us as we attended family reunions at other relatives’ homes. Mostly, she sat in her chair in the living room, content to be home.
As I watched my father age, I saw similar tendencies develop. Though he was a public speaker, he found great solace in solitude, and during his illness, he became very reclusive.
I explain this background, because there is clearly a hereditary connection with aspects of the Four Sisters Groove. Even though I think environmental impacts (childhood or current home or work life) can influence levels of Prink & Sashay. I think people are born at certain levels of them.
So, it’s with this understanding of my heredity that I find myself tending toward reclusivity.
When I was younger, I never had any real problems Sashaying Right. I could go out and find friends to play with in the neighborhood, and had a great time doing it. Now that I’ve matured a bit (only a little, really!), I find myself hesitating and even dreading social interactions. I seriously must force myself to go. Of course, once I’m there I have a great time, but it is the getting there where I’m finding it more difficult.
I’ve come to ask myself: what is the deciding factor behind which side of the Sashay Scale I choose? Granted, I have a natural tendency to Sashay Left. I find great comfort and energy from spending time alone. But as I consider my thought processes behind the over-reaction before a social interaction, I realize there are some base emotions at the core.
Fear or Love?
I found the key factor in me avoiding social scenes came from being afraid. I feared rejection. I feared pain. Admitting the fear, feeling it, and then going on anyhow has become a powerful catalyst for change or at least a delay in me becoming a recluse.
I give myself permission to be alone. I know I need that time away from others to recharge, but I don’t want fear to take control of any part of my life. Take a moment to consider if your extremes in Sashay or Prink come from fear or love. It may help your improve your current relationships.
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