During my presentation of the Four Sisters Groove to a corporate gay group, one of the members asked me an interesting question:
“Do opposites attract?”
We had already completed the Sisters’ Quiz, and this strong Gina was already placing his partner in a strong Tina role. Since I personally knew both of them, I could agree with his assessment of each of their Prink Placements and Sashay Scales. It did appear the two were complete opposite.
To him, this was a clear picture of the “Opposites Attract” rule, even though the couple is of the same sex. In same sex relationships, the area of attraction isn’t the opposite body parts like in heterosexual relationships, though some would say the mechanics of the parts isn’t really the thing that attracts. The point being hetero relationships have a built in “opposite” to start, while gay relationships find different at another level.
A study published in the July 2003 Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that self-perception was more likely to match mate perception, meaning how you think of yourself tends to match how you think of your partner. It concluded that the participants used a “likes-attract” rule, meaning they preferred partners who are similar more than opposite.
Looking deeper into the relationship of my Gina/Tina friends, I could see key aspects of their relationship that were more similar than opposite:
- Both men were physically attractive
- Monetary outlook/incentives were close to even
- Religious heritage matched
- Educational levels corresponded
- Career and aspiration goals synced up
So even though my Gina friend Sashayed way left, and his partner Sashayed way right, creating an opposite in the Sashay Scale, the core parts of their relationship revealed a sameness in this same-sex partnership.
Overcoming Opposites
The fear Gina was trying to express by asking if opposites attract stemmed from focusing on only one aspect of themselves. Yes, either Sashay Scale Left or Right taken to the extreme can be harmful. Remember: There’s nothing right or wrong in the natural occurrence of your Sashay Scale, but there can be painful results when Sashay is taken to extreme, or when Prink is left unchecked.
The goal of The Four Sisters Groove is to help you groove in relationships. Understanding where you are in it, will help you see where you want to be next. Finding opposites within your relationship shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, because it is this spark of difference that gives a freshness to being together.
Just remember that the same thing that attracted you (the Opposite) can be the thing that is the most challenging for you. Learning how to groove with it is what we are here to do.
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