Learning the skills for effective communication is like finding a great dance groove

Been the girl with her skirt pulled high
Been the outcast never running with mascara eyes
Now I see the world as a candy store
With a cigarette smile, saying things you can’t ignore
Like Mommy I love you
Daddy I hate you
Brother I need you
Lover, hey “fuck you”
I can see everything here with my third eye
Like the blue in the sky

[CHORUS:]
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you’re given
It’s all how you use it

[Verse 2:]
I’ve been the girl- middle finger in the air
Unaffected by rumors, the truth: I don’t care
So open your mouth and stick out your tongue
You might as well let go, you can’t take back what you’ve done
So find a new lifestyle
A new reason to smile
Look for Nirvana
Under the strobe lights
Sequins and sex dreams
You whisper to me
There’s no reason to cry

[CHORUS:]
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you’re given
It’s all how you use it

[BRIDGE:]
You take what you get and you get what you give
I say don’t run from yourself, man, that’s no way to live
I’ve got a record in my bag you should give it a spin
Lift your hands in the air so that life can begin

If God Is a DJ… If God
If God is a DJ (life is a dance floor)
Get your ass on the dance floor

[CHORUS (2X):]
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
Love is the rhythm
You are the music
If God is a DJ
Life is a dance floor
You get what you’re given
It’s all how you use it
God Is A Dj lyrics © Emi Blackwood Music Inc.; Pink Inside Publishing; Public Records Music; Sony/atv Sounds Llc; Turtle

Pink – God is a DJ

Really listening to someone isn’t an easy thing to do, yet a major part of Four Sisters Groove is the ability to listen to a Sister to understand where she’s coming from.

Eckhart Tolle in his book Power of Now says:

When listening to another person, don’t just listen with your mind, listen with your whole body. Feel the energy field of you inner body as you listen. That takes attention away from thinking and creates a still space that enables you to truly listen without the mind interfering. You are giving the other person space – space to be.

Easier said than done, right? When we are “listening” most of the time we are really just thinking about responses. It’s kind of human nature, I think, and Tolle defines it too: 

Most people don’t know how to listen because the major part of their attention is taken up by thinking. They pay more attention to that than to what the other person is saying, and none at all to what really matters: the Being of the other person underneath the words and the mind.

So, how do we get out of the mind and Be? For me, it has taken lots of practice. I by no means claim to be an expert at listening, but I have found it does make a huge difference in your relationships when you just Be. How?

1. Focus on your breathing. One of the best ways I have found for coming into Being is through my belly. It has to move for me to breathe, so I focus on that. It helps me reduce the thinking of the mind and focus on my body, which helps me Be.
2. Feel your toes or fingers. No, you don’t have to reach out and touch your toes. Instead sense them. Once you have a sense of your toes or fingers, “sense” up your legs or arms. Focus on your body and vibrations of it. This will take some practice.
3. Seated or standing? Listening in either position means you can also focus on the location that touches. If you are standing. Sense or feel the connection of your feet to where you are. Be there. Same goes for the, uh, derriere. Sense or feel the connection it has with the chair.

These are just a few of the tools I use to help me listen to someone. Yours could be completely different? Do you mind sharing with a comment?

Most human relationships consist mainly of minds interacting with each other, not of human beings communicating, being in communion. No relationship can thrive in that way, and that is why theres is so much conflicts in relationships. When the mind is running your life, conflict, strife, and problems are inevitable. Being in touch with your inner body creates a clear space of no-mind within which the relationship can flower. – Tolle, Power of Now

To improve your listening and communication skills, just Be Sister.

So there’s a new sitcom on TVLand called Hot in Cleveland starring Betty White, Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves, and Wendie Malick. Four women… just like Four Sisters Groove.

Can you identify the sisters?

I’m beginning to consider what form I want to manifest Four Sister Groove sessions and since I have a presentation to make on it very soon, I really would like some input from you on what would you find valuable in a groove session?

A Four Sisters Groove session is a safe place for gay people to discuss communication skills in either 60 or 90 minutes. It would include the Find Your Spot self-assessment and then discussions and practice on effective communication skills in gay relationships.

I have come up with three key points about Groove sessions I think are valuable:

1. Providing a Safe Place. So much of our life is spent out in the rest of the world where we may not feel as free or safe to discuss some issues. This is a fact of modern life for most gay people, so a Four Sisters Groove Session would definitely require an agreement by the attendees to provide a “safe” place for open discussions.
2. An edge up on Communication Skills. A Four Sisters Groove Session would entail practical and useful effective communication skills. These would be highlighted and developed during the course of the session, and interaction practice would also provide an opportunity for building better gay relationship skills.
3. Educational and Entertaining. Most everyone wants to continue growing and learning. It’s a valuable part of life. A Four Sisters Groove Session would provide valuable effective communication skills training in an informative and entertaining way. If it’s not something interesting, most people just turn off when it comes to educational forums. (I think we learned that in school!) By providing interactive training and participating exercises, a Four Sisters Groove Session can teach and be fun.

So, what else would you like to see? What have been some of the best educational or training sessions you have attended? Please feel free to comment to share.

Also, feel free to contact me if you are interested in hosting a Groove Session!