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New Year, New Groove

Jan 4th, 2010 by GinaGroove

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, but since we are learning about gay relationships, does straight really cut it? :D Well, it depends. It depends on where you are on the Dance Floor and where you want to go.

The Four Sisters Groove helps you bring it all together with tangible steps you can take for Effective Communication Skills. By taking steps in the right direction, you’ll begin to notice changes in your gay relationships. That’s how you get into the Groove.

First, your Sister will be your starting point. That’s why we spend so much time in understanding where you are on the Dance Floor. Did you Find Your Spot yet? You have to know where you are at before you can know where to go.

Then, the other person’s Sister will be your goal. Now, don’t worry about actually getting to that Sister. That’s not the goal of the Groove. The goal is to learn the steps to Groove together.

Let’s follow an example: The Sisters’ Quiz puts Gina in the lower left quadrant. This Gina has Tina as a partner. To Groove to Tina, Gina would have to Sashay Right and Prink Up. This is how it looks:
Grooving

Can you see the groove? Gina is in the left lower quadrant; Tina is in the right upper quadrant. To go that direction, Gina needs to Sashay Right or Prink Up. Gina may find it easier to Sashay right first and then Prink Up, depending on what she feels most comfortable trying.

Finding Three Groove Steps

So, what three steps can Gina write down as actions to take? Since her quiz shows she’s higher on the Sashay Scale and lower on the Prink Placement, she would probably feel most comfortable Sashaying. She knows Sashaying right means having opinions and voicing them. So, Gina would write: I will voice my opinion clearly and directly without having to be asked.

Gina also knows Sashaying can mean speaking quickly and loudly, maybe being even a bit too loud. She doesn’t necessarily have to be too loud, but she does know she could speak up and talk a little bit faster. Then Step 2 is written as: I will speak up and speed up my conversations with Tina.

Now for the last step, Gina needs to do something physical. She knows Sashay means stepping out, leaning into, gesturing towards, and generally moving her body into another person. So her third step would be: I will lean towards Tina when I’m talking to her.

Gina’s three Groove steps would look like this:

Step Action
1 I will voice my opinion clearly and directly without having to be asked.
2 I will speak up and speed up my conversations with Tina.
3 I will lean towards Tina when I’m talking to her.

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Posted in Communication, Effective Communication Skills, Gay Communication Styles, Gay Relationships, Groove Sessions | 2 Comments »

Cha… cha… cha… Changes

Dec 31st, 2009 by GinaGroove

I’ve been going through some major changes in my life as it relates to my job. I guess I’m really trying to find a nice way to say: “I got laid off.”

No matter how you say it, I’m facing a period of change, and it got me wondering about the Four Sisters and how they would handle change. When something unexpected happens to Tina, how does she cope? Does Katie freak out when life changes? How does Gina get through it or what does Stacey do?

I suspect Prink Placement has a lot to do with how the Sisters handle change. This portion of the Find Your Spot on the dance floor assessment reflects your views on things, especially on how you view structure. Sisters who Prink Up have a more specific view of things while Sisters who Prink Down tend to view things a bit looser. So, how do you react to change? Do you seek it? Do you fear it? Do you embrace it? Do you find the Prink Placement accurately reflects most of your reactions to change?

I’m sure I don’t have all the answers when it comes to handling changes in life, but here are some points to ponder that I’ve come to understand:

  1. Change happens. As much as we want “good” things to stay the same, they don’t. Everything changes, and so learning to adapt and cope becomes the goal. It doesn’t necessarily mean we have to flounder about because of all these changes, but it does mean we can become a bit more “limber” for it. We can learn to find out our core Sister strengths and depend upon them. This is also powerful to remember when you’re going through the “bad” changes. It’s temporary: this too shall pass.
  2. Your reactions are yours, so own them. You don’t have to be like anyone else or copy anyone else when it comes to handling change. Learning about yourself is helpful to understand there are normal human processes we all go through when experiencing changes, and some of the Sisters will more naturally tend towards different stages while apparently not noticing others. This is okay, too. Feel it and own it. It’s yours.
  3. Gratitude Rocks. Although it may be really difficult during some upheavals of change, I’ve found making lists of things I’m thankful for helps me to focus on the positive aspects of change. Now I’m not trying to be a pollyanna about this, but your attitude can be adjusted, and one of the best ways I have found is to be grateful. Take a moment to find some gratitude to help your attitude. :P

I’m sure you can think of other things to add to this list, so please comment and let me know. (I’m especially interested in hearing from Tina or Katie how they adapt to change.) These are only three of the things I’ve been dealing with recently because of my unemployment. Your changes will vary, but you already knew that.

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Posted in Effective Communication Skills, Gay Communication Styles, Gay Personalities, Gay Relationships | No Comments »

Work-Life Balance: The Basics

Dec 15th, 2009 by Mike

Mike has returned to give us some more ideas on work-life balance.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of work-life balance in my life. My life used to be ruled by chaos and stress. I lived in fear and eventually, I dropped one of the balls in the air and the whole thing came crashing down. Today I have a new found sense of peace in my life, and I can only attribute it to finding a good balance. Taking care of myself emotionally, physically and spiritually is how I achieve balance. Here are some tips on how you can too:

  1. Challenge Yourself at Work.
    Set goals for yourself about what you want to accomplish at work. I was recently faced with the reality that my work day was just not cutting it. I simply was not getting all the work done and it was making my time at the office more stressful than it needed to be. I decided if I could get to work just 30 minutes earlier every morning and stay 30 minutes later every afternoon, that would give me an extra 5 hours a week. This means getting up earlier, but I decided it would be worth it. What I found was that extra 30 minutes in the morning is invaluable. I get to work before many of my co-workers and those 30 minutes are the most productive of the day because it is quiet and there are no interruptions. It gives me a great jump start to the day. The extra few minutes in the afternoon allow me to stay focused on work until 5pm without being distracted by the clock. Then I can begin wrapping things up knowing that I put in a full day and gave 100%.
  2. Organize Yourself at Home
    Staying organized is essential. I’m big on lists, writing things down and even sharing them with someone else. There is a sense of accountability when you put it on paper and certainly when you tell someone else about your plans. I use my Outlook Calendar and sync my mobile device frequently. I maintain a budget, do weekly shopping and plan meals ahead of time. I know when I am taking my lunch and when I am eating out. Sunday evenings are my personal time that I use to iron a few shirts, prepare food for lunches that will be easy to grab on-the-go and get all my ducks in a row for the week ahead. I make phone calls to confirm with friends our time together for the coming week. It helps me tremendously to wake up on Monday morning knowing that my house is in order and all I have to do is get up and go. I have been practicing this for a solid year and it has done wonders for my sense of peace and my attitude.
  3. Define Your Idea of Rest
    Take the time to identify the things that you really enjoy and incorporate them into your life. Just start doing the things you keep saying you want to do, somehow we make time for the things that are important to us. For me it’s yoga, exercise and spending time with friends. I made a commitment to myself to exercise at least 4-times a week and get together with friend 2-3 times each week. Define what meets your needs, make a commitment to yourself and stick to it no matter what.

Making work and life balance can be difficult and if we over-analyze it, we will make it unobtainable. My challenge to you is to just do it. Work hard while you’re at work, and start doing the things you enjoy today. Plan your day at the office and plan the other 16 hours of your day, work-life balance is possible, I am living proof that ANYONE can do it.

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Posted in Gay Relationships, Work-Life balance | No Comments »

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