Holiday Lesson in Life Balance for Gay Relationships
The Four Sisters Groove gladly welcomes the addition of new posts from a dear friend, Mike, who plans on sharing personal development posts with us. Today he focuses on balancing the demands of life during the holiday season.
Many of us are familiar with the term “work-life balance.” It is something we all strive for even when our managers pretend they have never heard of the concept. It is one of my ultimate goals. I enjoy hard work, and I thrive in a challenging work environment, but I also recognize the importance of taking care of myself emotionally, spiritually and physically and all of that cannot be accomplished at the office.
After a four-day holiday weekend I am able to identify and acknowledge that what I have been doing for the last few days was not work-life balance (because there was no work). It was LIFE balance. Food, family, friends, romance, entertainment, exercise and chores all rolled into one. Are you tired just thinking about it? I used to get overwhelmed at the thought of trying to fit all of these things in, but somehow, this long weekend was absolutely perfect.
For me, Thanksgiving Day was a day of food and family. I slept in (8 a.m. is sleeping in. I’m old); turned on the parade and spent some time in the kitchen getting my contribution to the big meal prepared. Mom and Dad showed up around 10 a.m., and we were able to spend some wonderful time together before piling in the car to join my sister and her family at their house out in the country. It was nice; it was easy and it felt comfortable to be with my family. My niece and nephews are teenagers now – practically all grown up and I enjoyed talking with them and getting a little glimpse into their lives. The day was great, and that evening we all ended up in a pile in the living room watching movies late into the night.
Taking Care of Me
Friday was about taking care of me, feeling good and friends. I slept in again, maybe 7:30 a.m. and spent the early morning catching up with friends online. I am fully engaged in Facebook, it’s a good way to stay connected with my extended network of friends and family. I really believe social networking is a valuable tool in my life, but I’ll write more about that another time.
I just joined the gym last week, so this was really my first day to workout with no time limit, no rushing, and I did exactly that. I was at the gym for over two hours and had an incredible workout. Afterwards, I walked around Hyde Park and enjoyed some of the shops and the holiday atmosphere. Back at home I was thrilled to realize it was a weekday and I was home just in time for Oprah. I snuggled up on the couch for some time with the queen of self-help and promptly dozed off. I can’t even tell you the last time I napped for an hour and a half. It was the perfect time of day too, when I woke up at 5:45 p.m. it was just starting to get dark outside and time for the evening to begin.
I got a call from some old friends. We had made tentative plans to meet up for the Tree-Lighting Ceremony in Hyde Park. It’s an old tradition; one that used to involve my annual house warming party, so I had conflicting feelings about that – I am a little sad that I am not in my house, especially for the holidays, but that’s another topic all together. The house is rented and the mortgage is getting paid each month, which is what is most important. It was cold outside, so I got all dolled up in lots of layers and my new Lisa Loeb glasses and met my friends down at the Wine Exchange for drinks. It was great to see them and catch up, it was really the first time we have spent time together since I moved back home and it felt good. And then Santa came and all the little kids, and many of their parents, completely lost their minds. They went charging towards the giant tree in the middle of the village, all that beautiful landscaping – trampled! After the rush, another group of people (friends of friends) joined us and they decided to head back into one of the restaurants for more drinks. No interested in the bar, I said my goodbyes and continued on my way to Starbucks to see who I could find there. I talked with my best friend on the way and reminisced about the parties we used to have on the Friday after Thanksgiving every year. I spent a few hours at Starbucks with some hot apple cider and talking with friends and almost went to a club to see one of the world’s greatest DJs, but in the end, I opted for late night grocery shopping and was home and in bed by midnight, a wise financial choice. Those are new for me and it felt good to make a wise choice.
Taking Care of My Spirit
The rest of the weekend was all about my spiritual self, some chores and a little romance. Saturday morning was spent in meditation and self-reflection followed by some reaching out. I shared with others, exchanging ideas about where we are and what we are doing to stay focused on the present. I hit the gym hard again in the afternoon and got the endorphins going. I cleaned the house from top to bottom and even grilled a bunch of chicken so I would have some healthy food prepared and in the fridge for the busy week ahead.
The highlight of the day came around 6 p.m. when my date arrived. This was date number four, and it was our first 24-hour date. We had dinner and went to a movie, talked, snuggled up together and talked some more. We went for a long walk the next morning, had breakfast and went to IKEA. Now, I know what you’re thinking, once you go to IKEA with someone, you’re practically married, but I am determined not to jump into a relationship just because it feels good. He suggested I pack an overnight bag and stay at his house on Sunday night, but I told him that I had planned to go to the gym that evening and get in my own bed at a decent hour so I could get my week off to a good start – to stick with the routine that seems to work well for me. Later, during our date he opened up to me a little bit about how impressed he was by the fact that I said no to his invitation.
Romance is wonderful, intimacy is something that is extremely necessary in my life and this guy is all of the things I look for in a man. However, I want to be careful not to move to fast and not to start assigning labels to our relationship, because for me, labels create certain expectations on my part and many of my expectations, as I am learning, are unrealistic. I just don’t want to do that.
Learning to live in Now
I am trying to learn how to live in the now. It’s not easy, but it is something that has been working well for me and I don’t want for Prince Charming to come along and sweep all of that away. It is a double edge sword; based on my past, the thing that makes me attractive is my independence and self-confidence and yet, when I get into a relationship, I give myself completely to it. All of that other stuff goes right out the window. I am a very giving partner; I am loyal, and I like to please. Somehow in doing all of that, I ultimately neglect myself and all the things that made me attractive in the first place. So, I am going to try this a little different. He and I had a great conversation about the whole thing. We acknowledged that there is chemistry between us and how much we enjoy each others’ company and agreed to see each other again. It just so happens that I need a plus one for a holiday party next Friday night, perfect!
After the 24-Hour date was over, I did exactly what I said I was going to do and went to the gym. Unfortunately, the gym closes early on Sunday nights (note to self). So I went for a run on Bayshore instead.
Climbing in bed tonight, I feel like the weekend was a huge success for me. There was BALANCE. I did all of the things I wanted to do, I did all of the things I made a commitment to do and I even had time for a little romance. So, my feelings of safety and security and love and belonging were all met and I did it. Let me repeat because it is significant. I DID IT. I did not rely on someone else for my happiness. I did not over indulge with the Thanksgiving meal; I did not go wild with Black Friday Christmas shopping. I did not get married. I invited balance into my life this weekend, and I truly took care of ME.
