Moving to Win-Win Communication in Gay Relationships
Moving from “win/lose” to “win/win” communication takes some practice. It doesn’t come naturally for most people, because when you think about it, everyone is right. Even when we know we are wrong, we still want to be right. It’s only human nature.
Most of us come at communication like we’re a lawyer. We go down this list we’ve made in our minds and then wait for the other person to go down their list and the one who doesn’t add up in some way loses the argument. But does anyone ever really win in this situation? If everyone always thinks they’re right, who is really going to be wrong?
There is a better way for effective communication. Move from the out-dated mode of communication to the next phase. Here are some tips to help you move from “win/lose” to “win/win:”
1. Be present. So much of what we think is listening is really just waiting to talk. We are formulating our column of “rights” to everything the other person is saying. Instead, focus on your breathing and just being there. Sure, you’ll have thoughts, but just allow the other person an authentic acceptance by you just being there.
2. Be thankful. This other human being is taking the time to tell you something they feel is important, and you need to be thankful for them doing this. Yeah, I know it is totally opposite of what we would REALLY like to be doing at that time, but combined with Step 1, thanking them honestly for telling you something they think is important is a major step in moving from “win/lose” to “win/win.”
3. Be creative. Think outside the noraml “I’m right and you’re wrong” confining, human box. By coming together and being present and being thankful, we can start moving together into a “win/win” communication situation by focusing on the commonality you share.
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