No Pain/No Gain in Gay Relationships
The Four Sisters Groove happily welcomes new blog posts from a very dear friend, Stacey.
Many years ago my best friend attended a seminar on gay relationships. It was expensive and a good distance away, but the speaker was considered to be an expert on the subject so it seemed worth the cost and time to him. My friend, it seemed, had trouble, as many of us do, keeping a love interest going for very long and felt that this gentleman could help him understand what he needed to do to maintain one.
When he returned home he was furious! The relationship gayru had informed the group that basically the best gay men can hope for is a series of short-term, sexually based commitments relative to what the couple deemed as a “committed relationship:” open, dont ask/don’t tell, or short-term monogamous.
My friend passed away a few years ago having never realizing his dream of finding the soul mate with whom he would remain devoted to for a lifetime. He was tired of the pain of ending relationships.
In my own gay love life I have found this same thing to be true. My longest relationship lasted about five years and a few others from a few months to nearly two years. Some ended at my choosing others not, but all endings were emotionally draining and heart breaking. I have sworn that I will not go through that anguish again. I, as had my friend, had resolved that the gentleman with the doom and gloom love message must be right.
Then, as if the flood gates of true love had opened I have met five couples this past year who have celebrated at least 25 years together. In fact, I attended the 30th anniversary of two couples this summer. My friend would be in awe as I was, if he were alive today. It would’ve given him so much hope that he could sustain a loving relationship, and I have no doubt that he would have eventually with the positive determination he had. But it does take two with the same dedication. I’m still not so sure I have that goal and from all the evidence it seems those feelings are shared by most of the guys I meet these days. How much pain can one endure before avoiding the possibility of more of it? Is love worth the risk?
Still, I think those of you out there with that dream of meeting your soul mate will find hope of achieving that same fulfillment just in knowing there are couples out there who do stick it out, work it out and remain true to their commitment.
It might be tough but it can be done as is evident by this tale.
Good Luck!
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