Third Time's a Charm
My first serious boyfriend was a strong Tina, and he used to get really annoyed with me about many things, I’m sure, but the main annoyance was Gina’s inability to say what she really wanted. Finally, one day he pointed out how it takes asking me three times what I wanted before the fourth answer was the real one.
I’ve often thought of why it takes Gina that many tries, and I think it has to come down to both aspects of Sashay and Prink. (You can read more about Sashay and Prink at Four Sisters Groove after you take the Sisters’ Quiz.)
Gina usually finds herself reacting to so many things at one time. Life tosses you stuff all the time, and because she Prinks Down, she doesn’t have a strong organizational structure like a Tina or a Katie. But also, since she Sashays Left, she’s worried about how handling that imput will impact someone else.
So a simple question like “What would you like to eat?” can become a quagmire of indecision. Of course, to Tina the answer should be simple: “I want pizza and beer.” But answers are always easier to come by for Tina, because she Prinks Up and Sashays Right.
Instead, Gina is thinking: “Am I hungry? Do I need to lose some weight? If I don’t lose weight I’ll never fit into those jeans. Does that question mean he doesn’t like what I want to eat? Do I have to cook it? Is it raining out?”
Yeah, it’s that bad!
So, when Tina would ask the question for the second or third time, Gina was deep in her unstructured, empathatic thought processes anywhere in that through stream. “Sure. I guess so.” She would answer, hoping to not have to commit.
Now, if both of us are living unaware, this simple interaction can cause a huge blow up. Tina could ramp up her Prink and push it into something more than it is, and Gina can Sashay further down into an empathetic freeze.
The Four Sisters Groove is a method for building awareness. By understanding where you are coming from, you can see where you are at and make conscious decision to function not withdraw. Of course, Tina took the lead by pointing out the whole situation, but when done with the correct awareness, Gina will be more receptive and less defensive.
By opening the communication around the subject and becoming aware, both of us were able to work around the Third Time’s A Charm interactions. Tina was able to take the lead and still not stomp on Gina’s feelings about the situation, while Gina was able to adapt her Prink to determine what she wanted and learned it was okay to say what she wants.
This is an example of the type of Groove you want to learn with the Four Sisters Groove.
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