Learning the effective communication skills is like finding a great dance groove

I was really surprised when I saw the banner ad for Oprah’s latest adventure with Eckhart Tolle and A New Earth on a gay social web site, but I guess I’m not the only gay man to be interested in Oprah or for that matter Eckhart’s book on awakening consciousness.

Reading this quote about relationships from his book got my attention:

A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever. That alert attention is Presence. It is the prerequisite for any authentic relationship. (Tolle, A New Earth, p. 84)

The word “genuine” first got my attention. Isn’t that what everyone wants? Doesn’t everyone think they are genuine? Profiles from that same gay social web site have lots of guys that say “be real” or “no BS.” So, it’s not such a far stretch to think a lot of us want something real or genuine. But what does genuine really mean, and how does it really apply to the Four Sisters Groove?

At first, I worried (yeah, I’m a Gina) about if Four Sisters Groove functions in the ego. Is the determination of personal interactions a description of the interactions of egos? After reading his book all the way through, I came to the conclusion that Four Sisters Groove can be all about ego, if that is where you are. If you are currently living by the needs of the ego, then yes, your interactions within the Groove could be perceived as ego. That would be true about every aspect of your life.

I believe Tolle’s book is about having you stop to become aware of the ego. He helps you see it; question it. Awareness is the first step in Awakening. And awareness is the first step in the Four Sisters Groove.

The Four Sisters Groove asks you to stop and be aware of where you are now in your gay relationships. The First Step of the Groove is a self-evaluation in the Sisters’ Quiz. This is your chance to stop and be aware: to see where you are… to see who you are.

Then as you become aware of who you are by identifying with one of the Sisters, you can build on this first step.

Tolle goes on to say:

The ego always either wants something, or if it believes there is nothing to get from the other, it is in a state of utter indifference. It doesn’t care about you. And so, the three predominant states of egoic relationships are: wanting, thwarted wanting (anger, resentment, blaming, complaining), and indifference. (Tolle, A New Earth, p. 84)

If you find yourself described there, it may be time to take a deeper look. To become aware of it is the first step. That’s how the Four Sisters Groove can help.

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